bang
by luchino
Summary: he puts the gun to his head and pulls the trigger. — minato; for the kink meme.


**zero—  
><strong>There's a voice in his head and it's telling him what to do. The voice calls itself Pharos, and Minato is scared of him— mostly because he can feel the presence of death radiating from this young boy, the presence of death in his heart.

He stays up until midnight and signs contracts, contracts that he'll never see again. He stays up until midnight and looks out the window, and in his mind's eye he sees green skies and a sickly yellow moon, but if you asked anyone else they would've told you—

_"__it was just normal, why?"_

—and Pharos, he rambles on about potential and Shadows and personas and the Fall, and on April 9th Pharos gives him a gun and tells him with a smile, _"Go on."_

He puts the gun to his head and pulls the trigger.

**one—  
><strong>His nurse is a pretty part-timer named Hamuko— mouth permanently twisted into a bubbly smile, dimples like slashes in her cheeks, eyes warm and coppery with flecks of gold that shine in the light. He thinks that Hamuko radiates warmth, sometimes, but he knows that it's all a mask, a persona. All for show.

He hates Hamuko— hates how she stares at him, with so much pity in those citrusy eyes; hates how that she's stealing the limelight when this is his story; hates how she's alive, even though she was supposed to die in that car crash ten years ago.

Minato wants to scream but buries himself in the sterile bedsheets instead, turning away from that disgusting woman. He can feel the smile fade and the cheerful persona disappear, as soon as there's no one to watch; he can feel the stony cold that radiates from her, as soon as there's no one to watch.

Everywhere he looks, there's just white— and everywhere he looks, he feels like he's drowning in the presence of death—

He peeks out slightly from under the sea of white and checks the calendar on the wall. It's April 19.

**two—  
><strong>It's sometime in May or maybe it's sometime in June, and they've moved him from the hospital to the mental hospital, although he can't see much of a difference between the two. The color of death still pervades each and every room, and there's always someone screaming, always someone crying somewhere in the distance.

The doctors are talking to his "parents" outside. He can hear sobbing, a woman, a man, a woman, a man and Minato thinks that they're all crazy, that they're the ones that should be locked up in the loony bin because his parents have been dead for ten years.

_"—__seems to be recovering at an astonishing pace, although his speech is—"_

When he sits up, his head rings. Hamuko isn't here today; he imagines that she's off somewhere, seducing men in sweater-vests and men in long coats and men in blue uniform. She's a minx, Minato decides eventually, someone who can make even the most respectable man toss his gloves to the ground and pin her down to a bed.

Minato falls back asleep, and when he wakes up, Yukari Takeba is staring down at him with sorrowful and pitying eyes. She babbles on about

_"__i... oh god, oh god— i thought i could— i thought i could come today, but—"_

dead parents and explosions and Personas and Shadows

_"__why... how could you do this to me— i thought i would lose you—"_

and he just stares, because he only met this girl a couple of weeks ago, and her link is at such a low rank that he feels little to no empathy for her.

_"—__do you not understand how much i love you, how i've loved you all this time—"_

**three—  
><strong>Minato's walking along the hospital corridor, running one hand along the powder white wall, when he first meets Shinjiro Aragaki. He can hear Hamuko's biting voice from somewhere behind him, screeching and screaming for him to come back. He ducks into a room, and some silver-headed guy's shouting at a punk in a beanie about Personas and power and the team.

_"__it's not your fault, you didn't even kill her, it was a car, a freak accident, why did you put that gun to your head, why did you take those damn pills—"_

The punk's eyes meet his, and they're the darkest eyes he's ever seen, the complete opposite of Hamuko's eyes. Her eyes are peppy and fake, but Shinjiro Aragaki has the realest eyes he's ever seen.

Minato backs away and ducks into the room next door. There's a kid just sitting there on the white bed, watching some children's program with a bottle of milk clutched in his tiny hands.

_"__hello."_

He can hear Hamuko's light footsteps getting closer, closer and Ken watches him. Minato sits down on the edge of the hospital bed, glancing towards the kid and waits, because maybe he can get something out of this— a new persona, a new social link, something. Ken talks, he rambles

_"__don't tell anyone, but shinjiro aragaki killed my mom; don't tell anyone, but i'm going to kill shinjiro aragaki—"_

The footsteps pass. He leaves.

**four—  
><strong>It's October 4, 2009 and Shinjiro Aragaki is dead.

He sees Ken Amada pacing in his room with a triumphant, sad look on his childish face— like he's won, but at the same time, he's suffered a crushing defeat.

_"'__you've got your whole life ahead of you, so don't waste it. make it your own, okay?'"_ He's mumbling to himself, walking back and forth, back and forth, while Phoenix Featherman Ranger R blasts from the TV and a glass of milk lies broken on the tile floor. _"all this time, i've just been running away... i've made up my mind—"_

Minato turns away and slips into Shinjiro Aragaki's room. They were teammates, they were friends, the Fool and the Moon. He rummages through drawers and through cabinets, but there's nothing left— everything's been taken away, by friends and family and Akihiko Sanada.

He pulls open the drawer and finds a shining silver gun, but all he can see is a glimmering horse and the ghost of a brother who once lived.

**five—  
><strong>Ryoji Mochizuki is eccentric with eyes as clear as the blue sky. Minato can tell that Hamuko instantly takes a liking to him, because she lurks around his room next door instead of tending to him. He doesn't mind, though; besides, all he really does now is sit and watch the leaves change. Yukari doesn't visit him anymore, but he doesn't really mind, because she's just one of the many girls that he can have and in the end, she doesn't matter.

It's sometime in late November when Ryoji Mochizuki first bursts into his room and into his life. He reminds Minato of Pharos, with his innocent eyes and his dark hair and that defining mole right under his dark lashes. Ryoji asks him why he's in the hospital, but doesn't give him time to answer; the words flow out of his mouth and it's almost like he's waited a lifetime just to talk to someone, anyone, who understands.

_"__don't tell anyone, but i tried to kill myself; don't tell anyone, but i'm death."_

**six—  
><strong>At midnight on New Year's, Ryoji Mochizuki killed himself. Everyone's disappeared into that green night, leaving him to fight alone. Minato sits up and looks out the window, and in his mind's eye he sees green skies and a sickly yellow moon, but if you asked anyone else they would've told you—

_"__it was just normal, why?"_

The gun that he found in Shinjiro Aragaki's room sits in the drawer of his nightstand. The drawer opens with a sharp noise that echoes in the silent night. Minato presses the gun against his temple and reaches out towards the full, yellow moon that hangs in the sky, watching him with red eyes— the mother of Shadows, the harbinger of the Fall. Nyx.

This is his destiny; he's the Fool, the Messiah, the Great Seal.

_"__per... son... a—"_

He pulls the trigger.


End file.
